1/29/2017 7 Comments Now for the Next AdventureWhen I met Sean he was living in Warren Hall at Whitworth University. He loved Warren Hall with everything he had. He was dorm president and somehow managed to be dorm counselor as there was always someone in his room for prayer or conversation. He told me he wanted to finish his master’s degree and return to be Resident Director of Warren Hall. “Wouldn’t it be cool to live in the apartment here and hang out with all the future students?” I didn’t know someone could be so all-in, committed, heart tied to a dorm. (Yes, this is us in Warren Hall. And yes, this is pretty much what it felt like when Sean was knocking...er...sweeping me off my feet.) When we got married we had to move out of Warren Hall and into an apartment. Our first year married was the year of radio. Sean started with the school radio station and then landed an internship at the local Christian radio station. He loved radio with everything he had. He dreamed about a career as a radio d.j. and explored different radio markets. After graduation when job options were slim, I suggested we move out and move on. It tore Sean apart to imagine leaving radio. He was all-in, committed, heart tied to radio. I matter of factly responded with, “You can stick with radio but we either have money for one month of rent or a U-haul. Go ahead and pick.” Ultimately the U-haul won out and we trekked out to Lynden, WA. The goal was to make ends meet as quickly as possible so he landed a bartending job our first week living in a trailer in my parent’s driveway. Sean threw himself into learning drinks, studying technique, and watching Cocktail. He loved bartending with everything he had. It was the challenge, the people who would hang out until after hours pouring their hearts out, and the dynamic of something completely different. The last thing I had expected was him to be all-in, committed, heart tied to what was only intended to be a summer job. The pastor of a new church in town came to the bar to talk to Sean about youth ministry. He was enthusiastic and had vision for what Sean could do to propel a nearly-new youth program. He was ready to hire Sean on the spot. When Sean came home to talk about it, he was hemming and hawing a bit. “I don’t know…do you think youth ministry would be a good fit?” I raised my eyebrows. “Umm…yes. For sure. Yes.” “That means I’d have to quit bartending…” A wry smile from me. “Yes, but I think that’s ok. I think you’d like youth ministry.” I had a hunch that he might love youth ministry with all he had. I had a hunch he might be all-in, committed, heart tied to youth ministry. I was right. It took all of two weeks for him to declare he had the best job ever. For fifteen years Sean has loved youth ministry with all he has; all-in, committed, heart tied. He has grown from an optimistic, fun, zealous, mentor who throws huge concerts and builds epic youth rooms to a strategic, community building pastor who teaches students to have passion for Scripture. He is a dad who understands trauma, hard lives, and comes alongside hurting students. He used to work to inspire students. Today he works to disciple them.
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1/14/2017 3 Comments When I'd Rather Go It Alone*Adapted from a message I gave at a retreat Fall 2016 Scripture tells me Jesus is preparing a place for me in heaven. Well, since God knows the desires of my heart and the way He’s wired me, I’m sure the place He’s preparing reflects that. So then, let me tell you how to find me in heaven: My place will be the one with the split rail fence. It has a long driveway lined with willow trees and probably resembles a Craftsman. The lawn is cut Lynden style–edged properly, golf course green, with immaculate mower lines. There are sunflowers and hydrangeas, a wrap around porch, hammock out back. The coffee pot is always on. Around me are fields, acres, quiet privacy. No one’s mansion is too close. Heaven is plenty big for me to have ample space, right? I’m a bit of an introvert. I’m independent. I’m self sufficient. I’m an American, dang it! 12/11/2016 6 Comments Month of (not so much) MarginWe had declared November the month of margin. At the end of the summer, I asked Sean to pick a month to take a break from extra events. We pushed hard over the summer with his d.j. business, projects, and side jobs for both of us. “We can only run hard for so long and I think we're going to need margin.” I was speaking at a women’s retreat the first weekend of November and we planned to have a relaxed month immediately following.
One evening at the end of October I was tucking my kids in and could hear my sister-in-law talking on the phone in the kitchen. “Which hospital? How soon? Let me write that down…” I hurried to the kitchen as she hung up the phone and turned to me. “It looks like Dad had a stroke. They are life flighting him to Portland.” It turned out my father-in-law had bilateral subdural hematoma; a brain bleed. The doctors made no promises about recovery. Miraculously, they were able to do surgery and even more miraculously, he is recovering. Sean cancelled his last two events in October and spent two weeks in Portland as his dad began recovery and we began asking, “What next?” November took a different shape as Sean and his dad sat in a hospital room making hard decisions. Instead of transitioning back to his huge beautiful home a block from the beach in Long Beach, WA, The first time (of hundreds) I watched Frozen with my kids, I was laughing at the similarities between Anna and Elsa and me and my sister, Jasmine. She’s the composed, elegant, rational thinking, head-turning-gorgeous character (who might seem like the main character). I’m the idealistic, slightly awkward (but in an endearing way, I’m sure), talkative and relational sister (who is actually the main character. Shush, Jasmine. It’s my blog and I can tell it how I want). When we dressed up for Haley’s birthday in December as what was kind of an inside joke between sisters, it exploded into job offers. We laughed and reminded people that we are moms in our mid thirties, not Disney princesses. One offer was too good to pass up, so we donned dresses, wigs and makeup in 90 degrees to greet kids at the Northwest Washington Fair. We passed out candy, had fantastic conversations with hundreds of kids (including two 5 year olds who belted out "Let it Go" for us), took pictures until our faces twitched, and then snuck into our break room to drink gallons of water and slip ice packs into our dresses. I’d love to be a Disney princess. It’s not quite the type of business I imagined, but anything with my sister is a bonus. She’s kind of my security blanket anyway. As we talked about the princess gig (between people asking for our business cards and website), I began realizing there are simply too many things I love to do…and this might be causing a bit of a quandary.
7/5/2016 3 Comments Big FeelingsIt was the night before Everett’s eighth birthday and everyone was excited for the festivities to come. I was sitting at the table with all my kids and took a breath for my "Preparing for Big Events and Let Downs" speech. One of my children struggles with differentiating between good and bad big feelings (all big feelings cause meltdowns; including happy excitement) and it has made me intentional about preparing for big feelings. “Alright guys. Tomorrow is Everett’s birthday and it’s going to be awesome. We are going to have a great time. However–“
“We already know what you’re going to say,” Darla interjected. I raised my eyebrows and she continued, “You’re going to say that there are going to be good moments but also bad moments. It won’t be perfect but we can still enjoy the good even when there is bad. Right?” She flashed an I’m-too-smart-for-my-own-good smile at me and I laughed. “Pretty much verbatim, Darla. Big happy feelings can quickly swing hard to big sad feelings.” I remind my kids regularly that we live in this weird paradox; the world is a fallen, dark, sinful place, yet God leaves His handprints on everything and uses even sinful, dark things to demonstrate His glory. When His light shines into the dark, the contrast awes us. We tend to think of our mountains and valleys separate but that has not been my experience. Often the sweetest comes in the hardest. Many of my spiritual victories have come on the heels of personal defeats. I used to have this idea that writing a book involved an idea, creating a rough draft, editing, submitting a final draft, and getting it published. Then, of course, comes marketing, book signings, and Today show appearances. Pretty straightforward, right? Of all the things I’ve written and projects I’ve worked on, none has had so unconventional a life as the devotional formerly known as A;life. A;life started out of a need, a decade ago. Sean and I were leading middle and high school students who were committing their lives to Christ but had no idea where to start in studying the Bible. There were topical devotionals but none that explained the story of the Bible, the character of God, and basics of spiritual disciplines. I couldn’t find a good devotional to meet the need so I wrote one. A;life was a 29 day devotional geared toward teens. Each day had a little bit of explanation, Scripture to read, questions to answer, and a model prayer. At one point it had a DVD with it and a leader insert so it could be used in a small group setting. We started realizing the need didn’t stop at our own youth ministry and gave copies of A;life to other youth ministries lacking resources. It circled around for years. At some point we dropped the DVD as it was outdated, and I’m not sure where most of the leader inserts went. A year and a half ago I decided to rewrite A;life. I extended it to a 40 day devotional and took out teen specific references so it could easily apply to any age. I talked to connections with two publishing companies and was hopeful something would come of it. For various reasons, I began to doubt publishing would happen. After a series of ups and downs, I was thinking I’d shelve the idea. My writing mentor, ghostwriter Jeanne Halsey (who is the one who pushes me when I think I’ve already pushed enough), taught me about self-publishing and convinced me to give it a try. Between her urging, Lisa Oliver’s exceptional design work, and Marti Eide’s editing, we self-published the devotional, now called Brand New; A Field Guide to Life in Christ. The beautiful irony is as I’ve received proof copies (first printed wrong… second printed wrong…third time’s a charm!) I also received a contract from a publishing company. It’s a throw-up-your-hands-and-shake-your-head moment when you’ve spent years bouncing around a project and then everything happens at once. The next turn in the journey will be meeting with an editing and marketing team to see what direction this project may go. I’m slightly giddy not only about publishing this devotional, but the learning curve with it. I’m learning plenty about what not to do next time and trusting that God will still lead and have His hand in this project as I bumble through it. I’m suspending purchases of the self-published version so that we can officially move forward to improve and publish A;life/Brand New/Whatever we decide to call this devotional! Now for a word from the publisher: The Lexham Press team is thrilled to have this opportunity to work with Shilo and Sean in such an important area of ministry in the life of the church. Shilo’s book addresses a real need for solid and accessible resources aimed at brand-new Christians who need to learn (and delight in!) the story of their new identity in Jesus. I’m looking forward to seeing what the Lord continues to accomplish through their ministry, and excited for the part we get to play in bringing this fruit of their labors to publication. Brannon Ellis, Associate Publisher, Lexham Press (lexhampress.com) 1/26/2016 5 Comments In ProcessIt could be said that I’ve been busy this winter. My house is full of fantastic distractions, activity, and conversation. There are currently seven of us. We're juggling jobs, schedules, laundry, life decisions, and emotional needs. And that's just the adults. Photo cred: Evan and Lisa Oliver The kids have school, sports, even more laundry, and constant questions. Perhaps I should include our eight chickens, one rabbit, and high maintenance lab puppy. The animals require their own care, attention, and “did you seriously rip up my door mat again!?!” redirection. If I never left my property (as is often tempting), I would still never run out of things to do. Photo cred: Evan and Lisa Oliver
Sean and Megan had six jobs between them this year. Between pastoring, d.j.ing, camps, coffee, salon, and catering, the kids and I regularly ask, "Which job today?" as they head out the door. I've worked hard to keep strict boundaries for myself, knowing there will be other seasons I can stretch myself outside the home. For now I'm needed to keep the home front covered. Yet...I couldn't resist a tiny job of my own when the kids' school asked me to be on the substitute list. I love being at the school a few days a month but am determined to make being home first priority as it's Haley Kate's last year before kindergarten. 11/19/2015 3 Comments An Adoption Legacy...Part 3After Rits and Pearl returned to the United States their lives filled with more children, more ministry, and a constant stream of people in and out of their home to care for. Their experience in Africa and with Moses caused them to live with open doors and open hearts, instead of closing down in fear and disappointment. They ultimately adopted two little boys from Korea after the Korean War, adding them to their six biological children. (Ah, but those are miraculous stories for another day.) The Tademas always had room for one more around the kitchen table, if everyone would scoot over a little bit. Pearl could add another cup of broth to the soup and set another cup of dark coffee out without feeling a smidge inconvenienced. Their attitudes were passed along to their children who blessed them with forty-five grandchildren. Twenty-three of those grandchildren were adopted with miraculous stories of their own. (Like I said...stories for another day.)
In 2003 Rits and Pearl’s daughter Laura called with an announcement. “Mom, I’m lonesome for Moses. I am praying that we can find him and get in contact with him.” Laura had been young when her family left Africa, but she couldn’t shake the memory she had of carrying around the little boy she called brother. Pearl was surprised by her daughter’s determined idea. Her response was realistic but as usual, acknowledged God’s ability to work miracles. “Wow, Laura. I don’t even know if he is still called Moses or if he is alive. If he is alive, where would he be living?” Pearl’s mind processed the possibility as she spoke, “For forty-five years we have had no contact with him…" Then Pearl’s voice took on her familiar faith filled laugh, “But, I guess God is a mighty magnet and can find any needle in however old a haystack.” 11/17/2015 1 Comment An Adoption Legacy...Part 2Having Moses as part of the Tadema family hit an unforeseen glitch early on. Moses was from the Ion tribe and Rits and Pearl were living with the Tiv tribe. The Tiv and Ion tribes had a history of strife and conflict. The tribes did not mix and tensions ran high between them. Rits and Pearl were hopeful that including an Ion baby would be an example to the Tiv people. It was not a smooth start. The Tiv people, who were learning about the love of Jesus, struggled as they watched a starving Ion baby join the loved missionary family. They were learning of an unconditional love that knew no barriers and stretched far, to all who sinned and fell short. They had heard the words of the missionaries that this Jesus was for all sinners and some had even accepted Jesus and chose to follow Him. Yet they couldn’t wrap their minds around the idea that the same Jesus could be for a Tiv person and an Ion person. Rits and Pearl’s hired housekeeper was a Tiv boy named Akaa. He had recently declared his belief in Jesus and was seeking to follow Him. He drew the line with Moses. After watching the scene play out in front of him, he announced to Pearl that he would not be washing Moses’ diapers. He told her with great disdain, “His ancestors were cannibals and ate my ancestors. It is not right for me to wash his diapers. I quit!” 11/16/2015 4 Comments An Adoption Legacy...Part 1November is a month used to highlight adoption–the need, the stories, the celebration. I'm often asked where my passion for adoption, fostering, and helping kids in trauma stems from. There are many things that shaped it, the first being the legacy of adoption in my family. I've compiled some of the stories within our family and hope to have the vision and focus to turn it into a book at some point. Since it's not taking book form at this time, I'm posting one here that shares how my grandparents became adoptive parents. I figured after tragic, heartbreaking world news this week we could use a bedtime story that reminds us of God's faithfulness. Here it is. Part 1 of the Moses Story: Pearl DeJong was a strong Dutch farm girl from Washington State. She was bright, practical yet filled with dreams, and ambitiously ready to serve Jesus. She milked cows while dreaming of far off countries. She devoured books about missionaries, specifically White Queen of the Cannibals about Mary Slessor telling natives in Africa about Jesus, and Johanna Veenstra, Pioneer Missionary to Africa which was about a woman from Pearl’s own Christian denomination going to Africa alone. After completing high school in three years, driven by a goal to become a medical missionary in Africa, she began school at Calvin College. Her dreams and future fueled her determination to work hard in college and stay focused.
Pearl’s idea of how her life would play out began changing when she wasn’t accepted into medical school. The schools were inundated with GIs applying during the 1940s and there was no room for her in the program. The news came and derailed the future she imagined. She had been so certain that it was God’s call she was answering and working towards. Deflated, she was at a loss. Her already deep faith required that she trust God’s hand was still at work and yet she didn’t have a back up plan. Her goal as medical missionary was the plan she had thrown all her efforts into. Life took another unexpected turn when she was swept off her feet by a Dutch immigrant who had moved to the U.S. to attend Calvin College. Rits Tadema was passionate about theology and working hard to get a handle on the English language. He quickly noticed Pearl and wooed her by inviting her to a Reformation service (quite the setting for a first date). She was intrigued and accepted. He brought a pocketful of peppermints for them to share through the service. She hid a smile when she realized they were Tums, not peppermints. She spared his pride, respectfully ate them and her intrigue in him grew. They were equally smitten. Shy glances and anti-acid treats grew into a courtship. |
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February 2020
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