If I had to sum up in a word what it’s been like to be a mother in the last couple months … well, I wouldn’t sum it up at all. I would spew a dozen crazy stories and stare like a deer caught in headlights. Oh, wait. It just came to me. Intense. The word would be intense.
Please let me preface. My children are ages 10, 8, 6 and 4. The beauty of this stage is that every one of them loves and adores me. They hug and kiss on me. They miss me when I’m gone. None of them are rebelling and they are all likable people. They pour out their hearts to me and are quick to reconcile. There are much more heartbreaking places to be in motherhood, so I must say this place is sweet.
That being said, even sweetness can be intense. This Mother’s Day weekend I am home missing my boys’ last soccer games and missing church because Haley has the stomach flu. This comes two weeks after she nearly lost the tip of her pinky finger when I shut a door, not knowing her fingers were against the hinges in the door jamb. After the ER, trips to our doctor, and two appointments with a plastic surgeon she is healing and we are coming out the other side of that trauma.
I’m ending my Bible Study on the Life of Moses this week. I arrived at Deuteronomy 34 and told my sister, “Well, this ending sucks. Moses dies. How do I always forget that?”
I’m only partly kidding. Although I’m familiar with the ending, I get so wrapped up in the people, the story, and how it applies to my life that suddenly the end arrives and I’m not ready for it.
Of all the events of Moses’ life, I keep landing in Exodus 33. After the golden calf incident, Moses comes down from the mountain and the only one more furious is God Himself. Consequences are rolling. Moses is grieving over the blatant disobedience of the Israelites; after they had been rescued from Egypt and so quickly reverted to their old ways.
God tells Moses that He’ll keep His promise to bring the Israelites to the Promised Land. He tells Moses to lead the people “to a land flowing with milk and honey” but then the kicker, “for I will not go up in your midst lest I consume you on the way, for you are a stiff-necked people.” Exodus 33:3
“Yikes. God is prepared to consume us. Looks like that relationship is over. At least He’s making good on the Promised Land deal. Pack your tents–let’s get out of here!”
Moses’ real response causes me to catch my breath: “If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here.” Exodus 33:15
Just throwing myself out there a bit...